Setting You Free

Setting You Free

Children…………if you have them you will understand what I am going to write today. Sometimes they come into our lives well planned and very much desired. At other times, they come as a surprise but within a very short time we are feeling immeasurable endless love for the unexpected blessing that God has given us.

Over the years, we parents pour most of our energy, time and money into our children. They become the very center of our lives and we know we were created to do the most important job of our life: raise our children to the best of our ability.

Then after we are totally immersed in their lives, and no longer remember how to live for just our own life, we are told it is time to let go of them. They were born to be free of parental constraints.

Nature tells us that. Once an adult animal or bird has done their parental duty, they set their children free. How is it that they do it so easily and we human parents can’t?

I love to read about the history of our country and the stories of young couples who set out in a covered wagon to follow their own dreams, leaving behind families they knew they would probably not see again. Those stories always make my heart feel like it is being torn in two. I am happy for the young couple but my heart aches for the mothers left behind.

But what if children had never had the desire to strike out on their own in this land of opportunity?

Over the years, I have tried to teach my daughters, (through my words and my actions) that we were put on this earth to take care of each other. And I would be dishonest if I didn’t tell you that there are times when I have said to myself, with a sigh of relief, “they’ll be here to take care of me when I get old.”

But as I have watched them grow older,become more independent, pick a special person to share their lives with and have children of their own, my thoughts are changing some. I still believe my daughters have an obligation to care for their fellow man but that obligation should never stifle their own growth.

I write this today to tell my children that although I love them with every fiber of my being, I don’t want them to live their lives the way I want them to live. I don’t want them to feel guilt that they want to be free of my parental constraints. I want them to know that I set them free to explore the opportunities for loving and being loved by someone other than me. Those opportunities are God given and who am I to stand in God’s way?

But I also want them to know that I am here. Even birds and animals will return “home” from time to time. And some never go far from where they were born. I don't know why they do that but there must be something inside of them that draws them to return or to stay. 

But never do they return because they are expected to, because they "need" to or because they are feeling guilty if they don’t.  Their parents set them free to fly, to make a life of their own and they come back when they want to. 

Sometimes when they come home, they find the parents gone. Because in the process of setting children free, the parents feel a need to fly someplace where their desires take them.

Today, my dear daughters, I want you to know, I am setting you free. If I don’t, you will have to break free and that will be more painful for both of us.

So go, my beautiful birds, you are free to soar to places I have never been. And I will sit and  watch from wherever I am, with unconditional love, undeniable pride and never-ending joy.  

© Brenda J. Young 2011  

P.S. To my girls: I have watched each of you stuggle in your own way and in your own time to be free of the constraints of being my children. Not because you don't love me (I feel your love all the time, even when you are mad at me) but because you are now adults and need to be free to live your lives as you wish. Please KNOW that I am okay with that. I know how constricting parental control feels and I don't want you to have to feel that and struggle to get away from it. 

I also know that even tho I say I am setting you free, I am always going to want you to be part of my life, and there are going to be times when I may even become possessive (because that is part of who I am) of you. You have my permisson to tell me to  back off. It really will be okay (if you say it nicely!) Love you all!