Yesterday was the 30th anniversary of my son's death. The minute I woke up, (about 4:30 a.m.) I thought about that day thirty years ago. After all these years, I can still recall with great clarity almost every minute of that day.
How do you forget the day your five year old son left you behind? You don't...because if you do, it would be like he never lived. I can't forget because I don't want to. The memories are all I have left.
But even if I wanted to forget, I couldn't.
How do you forget the morning you woke up in his room, looked at him, and found him looking back at you? You could see, in his eyes, that this was the day you would say good-bye to him. As the day progressed, he stopped looking at me and appeared to be looking beyond me, at something I could not see.
How do you forget the day your five year old son took his last breath on this earth, and found himself, not in the arms of his mother, but in the arms of Jesus?
How do you forget the moment you told his three young sisters that their brother went to live with Jesus and they wouldn't see him again on this earth?
How do forget the emptiness you felt when you walked into his room for the first time and he wasn't there?
How do forget waking up the next day and doubting that the sun would ever rise again...after all, your son died and you felt like your world had come to a screeching halt?
How do you forget the first Christmas without him?
How do you forget his first birthday with out him?
How do forget the first day he was suppose to go to school and didn't?
How do you forget the day he was suppose to get his driver's license and didn't?
How do your forget the day he was suppose to graduate from high school and didn't?
How do you forget that he was suppose to marry and bring his children home to see you?
How do you forget the day your child died and left you with only memories and "what-ifs?"
You don't. No matter how old you get or how many years have passed...you don't forget. To forget him would be pretending he never lived, loved, and brought joy to the mother who loved him back.
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